The polish on my fingers started chipping on the tips again, yesterday. I meant to spend some time removing the polish, with actual nail polish remover but the evening got away from me.
This morning in the shower, the raised edges of polish disrupted the ease of my finger through my hair as I washed and conditioned. I started gnawing off the polish in there.
I’ve successfully gnawed all the polish from each finger, aside from the thumb on my left hand. There are strips of black nail polish from my shower to my desk at work, at this point: in my car, the parking lot of the gas station where I picked up two packs of smokes, my bedroom floor (possibly the bed), my driveway, the parking lot at work. I cannot tell you, just yet, where the last bits of polish from my thumb will end up.
Possibly in my ashtray, on my desk at work.
I usually only get ancy enough to gnaw at the polish when I am on the phone with him.
But, last week he introduced me to Deap Vally: his bad…
“I don’t want to be your reflection.
I’m so bored with this rejection.
I don’t want to be your reflection.
I don’t need your direction.
Last Wednesday, I felt the Anger rise in me again. But Deap Vally gives me an outlet to my “internal monologue”.
The Power of music is otherworldly.
My inner rock chick has found her delightfully devious grin again.
She is powerful.
She gnaws at the polish on her own accord.
She will pile on the black color, over and over again.
Because she can and she wants to.
It is her color.
And I am not ashamed of my mental state.
And I am not ashamed of my body weight.
And I am not ashamed of my rage.
And I am not ashamed of my age.
Deap Vally is an American rock duo who will continue to rock my soul for years to come. Please, if you are into a little honesty and power–give them a listen. Below is their song “Smile More”, which I have quoted in this post.
Now, to get back to this thumb so I can coat these nail beds again–on my own accord.