In a previous post, titled “Refusing to Date”, I stated that “you cannot love someone unless you know and love yourself.”
When I left my ex of seven years, I was left with misappropriated sorrow in my heart. It has taken eight months for me to fully absorb this conundrum.
Today I know, that I indeed love myself. I love who I am. I love the kindness in my heart and the strength of my character. But it doesn’t erase the months, upon months of crying which kept me from moving forward.
I had told him we both needed time apart, time to grow and to consider our own character.
It wasn’t me.
It wasn’t me that punched holes in the walls.
It wasn’t me that spat in his face.
It wasn’t me that tried to move on, only a month after seperating.
But today, I hate with much less anxiety in my heart. I hate that I used to hate him. I hate that he gave me three beautiful step-children to care for, but didn’t take the time to care for me. I will NEVER regret being the greatest mom I could be and a better wife than he deserved.
I am the widow of a living man.