Divorced but Never Married: Part 2


In a previous post, titled “Refusing to Date”, I stated that “you cannot love someone unless you know and love yourself.”

When I left my ex of seven years, I was left with misappropriated sorrow in my heart. It has taken eight months for me to fully absorb this conundrum.

Today I know, that I indeed love myself. I love who I am. I love the kindness in my heart and the strength of my character. But it doesn’t erase the months, upon months of crying which kept me from moving forward.

I had told him we both needed time apart, time to grow and to consider our own character.

I lied.

It wasn’t me.

It wasn’t me that punched holes in the walls.

It wasn’t me that spat in his face.

It wasn’t me that tried to move on, only a month after seperating.

But today, I hate with much less anxiety in my heart. I hate that I used to hate him. I hate that he gave me three beautiful step-children to care for, but didn’t take the time to care for me. I will NEVER regret being the greatest mom I could be and a better wife than he deserved.

I am the widow of a living man.




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